The underlying emotional landscape of a Narcissist is unresolved anger. Not a happy-go-lucky person, a telltale sign you might be dating a Narcissist is that they do not have a sense of humor.
They probably think they are funny. They may tell a joke for attention-getting. Their jokes are usually memorized, tucked away, and pulled out when attention on them is waning, or they are at a party and the limelight is shining on someone else! That is when they will, with much fanfare, tell a rehearsed joke with exaggerated expression. If you see that they repeat the same ‘jokes’ over and over again, their joke telling is not for humor, it is for the attention and/or competition to get noticed.
They may use sarcastic jabs at you under the guise of “I was just kidding,” followed by a nasty remark about how you don’t have a sense of humor. This strategy of projection is a common go-to for Narcissists. They will blame you for a perceived shortcoming that is actually about them. Yea, I know, it is exhausting trying to keep up with the mental gymnastics of a Narcissist.
An early sign that you might be with a Narcissist is the lavishness they bestow on you through flattery and nonstop attention. They call you every day, maybe three times a day or more. This can be mistaken for authentic interest in you. See how long it lasts. It might be the love bombing that is characteristic of the Narcissist. If it stops, and the attention is turned onto themselves, realize that the love bombing phase is ending, and now the breadcrumbing starts. Breadcrumbing is characterized by the Narcissist stingily doling out just enough positive affirmations to keep you there. Unless you catch yourself, you will pick up the ball where they left off. You might begin initiating the phone calls and begin finding ways to please them in an effort to get that initial interest and attention back. Don’t be fooled. They now have you where they want you, hooked. They begin to relax now, thinking they can be more of themselves, and end the act they have been performing.
To keep in their good graces and get a morsel of that seductive attention back, you start the mental gymnastics of finding ways to please them. Catch yourself. Realize this is only going to go downhill and the damage to your heart, mind, soul, and body will be immense.
What comes next will be a mixed bag filled with blame, bullying, self-centered tantrums, and ego-centric behavior. They will steal the stage and the limelight wherever you go. The waitress or waiter will become their new audience and in an effort to impress others, they may flatter you, only to later ignore or use put-downs when the audience disappears. In the privacy of the home, without witnesses, they are completely different people. You are observing the roller coaster ride of being in a relationship with a seasoned and professional Narcissist.
If you see any of these signs early on, you can end this before getting in too deep. Other signs you may be dating a Narcissist:
- Everything is about them
- They lack empathy
- They are overly concerned with their appearance and reputation
- Need for praise and admiration
- Sense of entitlement
Keep your eyes open and heart protected until you clearly know you are with a healthy and mature person. You deserve the best.
As always, I am here for you.
Article originally posted on Medium.com
