We are conditioned, from the very beginning of our lives, to ‘act’ in certain ways in order to appease our caregivers. This acting replaces the authentic expression of who we really are. The result is a modified, washed, cleansed, and narrow version of who we are meant to be. This is where the masked self is created. Those unsavory (according to parents, teachers, clergy and anyone in position of authority) aspects of our personalities are banished to the shadow, and eventually we do not know they exist, nor do we tap into the bountiful gifts these aspects contain.
For example, if your parents continuously told you not to be angry or sad, you learned to paste a smile, minimize and deny those real and raw emotions, and sadly, stuff your feelings.
For me, the mantra from my mother was ‘be quiet, stop being noisy, shush!’ So, I became what others described me as-shy. Then I began to believe and act shy. Decades later, I was presented with the opportunity to be a columnist, radio host, and TV presenter. Each one scared the Hell out of me. But I persisted in pursuing these roles, practicing and perfecting them because I knew deep in my core that if I succumbed to be forever labeled as shy and live as a false self, I would never actualize me.
The gifts that were shaken out from the shadow sides of me were expressed through my public speaking, television presentations about self- help, radio interviews with scientists, therapists and well known authors who taught my audience how to be better as people. My newspaper column helped moms, parents and grandparents how to be better at raising kids. All that was wrapped tight in my shadow side that had been conditioned out of me, pushed down in order to quiet my voice, and ultimately my authenticity.
Exercise:
Sit in a quiet place, empty your mind from its usual chatter and pick up a pen and paper. Write, from memory, those aspects of you that were punished, harnessed, judged or shamed. The work then is to integrate them into your life by finding creative ways of expression.
How were you made to be, act and feel small? What do you do today to perpetuate that lie?
For instance, as a girl I was continuously told to sit still and not fidget. My interpretation of that was to become inactive. It wasn’t until I was in my early 40’s that I started exercising, and moving with purpose. I began wakeboarding which brought joy and play into my life. For the first time I felt ALIVE.
Maybe you were scolded for coloring outside the lines which hampered a latent artistic gift. Maybe you were admonished for being opinionated, which shut down a gifted propensity for debate. You will know what it is that impeded the full expression of who you are.
Choose today to brush off those banished golden nuggets of authenticity, bring them forward, incorporate and express them in your daily life.
You are more than you believe you can be. You are an amazing unique soul that has come here to make a contribution and lasting imprint on the world. You are ready!
As always I am here for you. Let me know if you would like to receive an invitation to my coaching program. I will nudge you into your own greatness.
