The pain is real. Society conditions us to love, revere and respect our mothers. What if your mother is the cause of pain, anxiety, guilt, and shame? On the coattails of these feelings hang repressed anger, self-hatred, and sadness.
Narcissism is often at the core of this dynamic. A narcissistic mother wreaks havoc on a daughter’s self- esteem, and her ability to forge future healthy relationships. Narcissistic abuse is a set up for co-dependent and people pleasing daughters.
Narcissistic behavior has been described as abusive because it has elements of manipulation, gaslighting, shaming, blaming and other overt or covert controlling strategies. One does not have to be a scholar of these terms to feel that their upbringing and relationship with their mother was ‘off’ or ‘unhealthy’ or caused damage.
Do you see yourself here? Most of my unhealed daughter clients of narcissistic mothers are divorced, have broken relationships, and often feel used and disempowered. They feel there is a block between their reality and the dreams they long for in their lives. Joy and happiness often elude their daily routine. They may have jobs that drain them. Their deep desires have been buried along with their self-esteem. There is a general unhappiness and malaise daughters carry throughout their relationships, work life and daily routines.
We naturally think that if we just protect ourselves from future digressions, set strong boundaries, distance ourselves and keep ourselves busy, our lives will improve.
Unfortunately, the map to success with relationships begins with healing our inner wounds-an inside job. A large part of the healing process involves developing an autonomous and authentic sense of self, something that was hijacked by the narcissistic mother.
My mother’s narcissism was exacerbated by another virulent type of personality disorder. Confusion, denial, fear, and gut wrenching anxiety was my compass in life. All choices I made, until I healed were based on avoidance of pain. Instead of making goals in life, I hid from anything I perceived as a threat to my peace or safety. I felt like an exposed nerve.
We need to love, feel safe and be loved. We believe, as adults that since we are removed from the dysfunction of our childhood, we can now make good choices. We may have moved away from the family home, but we are clearly not free from the influence that has become hardwired into our subconscious.
When you commit to healing, you have said yes to yourself, and yes to learning how to love yourself. You will learn how to say no to people that no longer serve your highest good. The commitment to heal is your ticket towards the freedom, peace, success and love you seek.
Are you ready?
