Chris vs. Will
I have often struggled with terms and examples when explaining the bully and victim dynamic here on Medium and in YouTube videos.
Well, the Universe served up a perfect, dramatic example of the consequences of the unhealed wound through the Oscar’s slap that shook the world.
There could not be a better example of the violence that festers and boils from the unhealed wound than when Chris Rock’s insensitive joke resulted in Will Smith’s brutal assault on live TV.
Does this abusive reaction become more palatable when delivered under the tent of opulence, wealth and designer suits? It did not result, like it would in a local bar, with police escorting out the handcuffed assailant.
Instead, it ended up in opinions splayed across every media platform. Pundits, therapists, pseudo-analysts and columnists chimed in through TV and newspapers, and the private sector through social media outlets. People, like they do, took sides. Are you Team Chris (the victim) or are you Team Will (the bully)? Wait, stop the presses. Is Chris the bully for delivering a low blow to the wife by joking about her hair, shaved due to her medical condition? Or is Will the victim for enduring a joke turned nasty?
Hard to figure when you lay out the facts presented by different perspectives, right?!
Context is key here. Will Smith had experienced a life altering and mind blowing convergence recently.
In his recently published memoir, “Will” he reportedly revealed that his biggest regret was not standing up to his father to protect his mother from his abuse. He also recently starred in the movie King Richard, for which he won an Oscar for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, moments after walloping Chris Rock for a stupid joke.
In the film Will Smith portrays a father in papa bear mode, protecting his daughters in a racist and often cruel world, grooming them for the greatness they would achieve as tennis superstars.
Life’s convergent moments often lead to a dark night of the soul journey, a personal deep dive, and a watershed moment.
When brought to the surface, the wound becomes a raw nerve; a perfect opportunity for an immersion into therapy for healing work. We do not know if Smith has been or is in therapy. I do know that therapy will, under professional care, assist the person to learn behaviors to quell the physical and mental responses that occur when a wound is triggered, instead of remaining a ticking time bomb that all too often leads to violence. Smith became a character in a movie where he did what he could not do as a child: protect the female.
And here we are. An unhealed wound is a weapon behind the curtain, defense mechanisms waiting in the wings, ready to lock and load at any given perceived slight.
Violence always has a history. These histories are the foundation for road rage, killings, bombings, addictions, wars, domestic violence and any other boundary violation the imagination can conjure.
The historic context of violence is the unhealed wound. The wound that came from an abusive childhood, a broken heart, mental torment, betrayal, abandonment, emotional abuse, shame, anger or neglect. The wound, unhealed, is fed by insults and assaults to one’s sensibilities. And yes, the wound keeps score. The body is the vessel that holds that score, and when filled to the brim with insults and assaults, explodes.
Who knows what makes someone blow their stack? It’s never just one thing. It is a culmination of unresolved pain that has nowhere to go. Left untended, the unhealed wound becomes its own monster, taking the wheel when you are the most vulnerable, or when the ego is busy building delusions of grandeur.
Regardless of the role we want to assign Chris or Will, I see, as plain as the slap the world witnessed, an unhealed wound gone wild.
Diane Dennis is a RN, certified life coach, holds a certification in training and development, domestic violence advocacy, author, columnist and writer. She has a Youtube channel teaching healing modalities for adult children of narcissists. Get my free guide on Self-Help Rituls for Living Your Best Life here! Email at dianedenimc@gmail.com
