Why does it seem so difficult to find a ‘normal’ relationship as an adult child of a Narcissist parent?

Answer: You were not taught how to love or be loved. You were not taught to acknowledge, explore or understand your feelings. You were a supply of energy and manipulation for the Narcissist. You were most likely provided shelter, food and physical safety. It was your emotional needs that were unmet and neglected, leading you to believe that you did not deserve such love.

The next questions that always follow: Am I permanently broken? Am I doomed to be alone or in horrible drama filled relationships where I don’t feel peace or safe?

Answer: No. You can heal. I have done it and can testify that my own healing has created a miraculous life. I can look back on the way I was before I started my healing journey and know confidently that I am a different person, and more improved in many ways that are measurable in the 3D world, and some ways that are immeasurable—priceless!

Before healing an adult child of a narcissist feels:

  • Isolated
  • Alone
  • Lonely
  • Different from others
  • In fight or flight
  • Has poor boundaries

For incentive to heal, here are the qualities of a person who has participated in healing childhood wounds:

Lives with peace, makes healthy choices, recognizes and steps away from train wrecks, AKA other Narcissists, loves themselves wholeheartedly, shows up authentically, and lives true to their desires, nature, goals and dreams.

Everyone wants to know where to begin. I gently guide those who are ready to start at the beginning. We are walking towards empowerment and becoming the chief editor of our lives. You will:

Learn to love and give yourself the love you did not receive but need in order to become whole

Explore your feelings, honor acknowledge and Feel your feelings

Become curious about who you authentically are and what you authentically need and want (this is a learning curve as you were probably denied or disregarded when you showed up as your real self)

It is counterproductive and detrimental to focus and blame the one who caused damage. That keeps us stuck in the muck of that which we are stepping out of. One evolutionary leap towards healing means we focus now on the present, and craft a future of our dreams. At another time, when you are ready, we will address forgiveness.

You are embarking on the hero’s journey that takes bravery, grit, and fortitude. It is worth it. Remember that. The payoff is living a life different than the one at the beginning of this narrative: feeling isolated, alone and in lousy relationships; triggered easily into fight or flight, changing jobs, leaving friends.

Today we begin the step forward towards unconditionally loving our Self. Make a list of the ways you will love yourself today. Write down what you want and desire. Stay away from statements that focus on what you do not want.

Keep your eye on the prize. The prize is you. Today Love You!

Stay tuned for your next article on healing from a Narcissistic parent or partner.

Diane Dennis is a RN, certified life coach, holds a certification in training and development, domestic violence advocacy, author, columnist and writer. She has a YouTube channel teaching healing modalities for adult children of narcissists (link). Email at: dianedenimc@gmail.com