“Your subconscious mind is designed to be open to your direct influence.” Daniel Siegel, author of Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation
Article originally published at YourTango.
Chances are you are subconsciously sabotaging your chances at lovethrough self-limiting beliefs and behaviors. There is hope! You can change those negative beliefs that the subconscious mind has stored, and which are at odds with your conscious mind. Let’s put the two together, and become of one mind in love. According to Paul O’Brien, author of Great Decisions, Perfect Timing-Cultivating Intuitive Intelligence, “Your current beliefs have power over your thinking, but they are nothing more than your current operating assumptions, based on what you think you know right now. Your beliefs should always be subject to testing, revision and upgrading! Contrary to certain ideological religions, your beliefs are not sacred and they will not ‘save’ you. Changing your mind, changing your beliefs, is known as learning … and this is always a good thing! Instead of always defending your current beliefs, keep and open-mind and let your beliefs evolve.”
Beliefs are formed out of family conditioning, programming, interactions and indelible experiences, like that boyfriend who stole money from your account, or the one you caught cheating.
Beliefs such as ‘I am not good enough’, or ‘I am not attractive’, or ‘I can’t keep a man; they leave me, abandon me, or cheat on me’ morph into behaviors that sabotage relationships. If you think you are ‘cheatable’ you become more controlling, distrusting, demanding or possessive, which will surely drive your red blooded paramour away, leaving you with the self- fulfilling prophecy. The problem is, it all happened without your conscious mind’s permission. So here are the steps to harness the subconscious and train it to obey your conscious mind:
Go within and write down beliefs that you have about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Example: I associate pain with relationships, or I am not worthy of a good man. Give your subconscious mind a talking-to, out loud. Example: I would like you, subconscious mind, to get on board with my conscious mind and change that belief from I am not good enough, to I am worthy of the greatest love life! Do this daily while writing it down on paper for 30 days.
Detach. If you stress and worry about whether your subconscious mind has synced up with your conscious mind, it is like rowing a boat with only one oar. You will continue to go in circles.
Practice and skip a beat. Change takes time and practice. Next time you are on a date, and you want to go into analytical overdrive, or impose your all so important ideals to your potential mate, skip a beat. Ask whether your behavior is in your best love interest, or whether you are reacting out of fear. Let go and trust the process.
While this process takes some effort, you will soon be engaging in positive self-talk, and will radiate from the inside out.
Diane Dennis is a Life Transition Coach, host of Inspired Conversations at DianeTV.com. For coaching services contact her at www.dianetv.com/contact/. Diane is currently writing a book titled The Healing Matrix.
